Lac Assal

Assal Lake is 300 feet below sea level. It's the lowest point in Africa.

Non-Steroid Player Junior Throws his Jock Strap at Heckler

A Dodgers fan involved himself in a battle of banter with Cincinnati Reds star Ken Griffey, Jr. at a recent game from near the Reds dugout at Dodger Stadium. The fun-loving fan was within earshot of Griffey all game long, and posted a blog on his MySpace page detailing the events that took place between the fan and the oft-injured Griffey. -The Jaunt

"So I started with the basics: YOU SUCK..SHOULDN'T YOU BE ON THE D.L...TOO OLD FOR CENTER....that kind of stuff. Well, by the 2nd inning
he was looking right at me giving me the looks. When he walks in from the 6th inning he decided he had enough and came over to talk some smack. He called me some fat references which was hilarious and then he told me I couldnt touch the threads on his jock...After the 6th inning he walks out and stops to talk to me holding a brown paper bag in his hand. He motions to throw it to me and I told him no, I know that trick. He laughs and says catch it, so I put up my hands and he tosses it over. He wouldn't leave until I opened it and when I finally did, the whole place erupted with laughter. Griffey throws me his jock..."

I always liked Griffey.

Centre-ville Dj.

Office Funtivities

Here are Yousef the artist, Ali and me.

Happy Mother's Day

Sonata

Dancing to Mozart from massy on Vimeo

World League

I was just drafted by the World League. I'm not sure what team I'll be playing on but I'll be sure to leave tickets at will call for anyone who wants them.

Getting Worse

Bikes

Determination

5-6-7

O5-O6-07

Vivid Dreams

4:30 AM [muffled] “Rampa! Rampa! Rampa! [more clearly] Grandpa!” [thud]

For the past four years living in Africa I have had some of the most vivid dreams. I don’t know why. I’ve never taken any malaria medication. I’ve been amazed that I can recall people in my dreams that I haven’t seen or talked to since junior high.

Last night I had a typical, “someone is trying to get me dream.” I had a lot of those last year after we had a thief in our house. One night last year I woke up screaming.

I’ve been sleeping on the couch in the living room since I’ve been back. The couch is about 6 inches too short for me to lay down so I have to put my legs up on the back cushions.

In my dream someone was attacking me by wrapping up my legs. I was trying to get away but to no avail. I started screaming for my Grandpa, I’m not sure why. It was one of those frustrated “I can’t speak clearly because I’m dreaming ‘Grandpas.’” Really it was more like “Rampa!”

Finally I broke free from the “attacker” by jumping off the couch onto the tile floor and landing on my knees. It was about a 3 or 4 foot jump. The “attacker” turned out to be the couch cushion. My knees are a still sore this afternoon. Crazy dream.

Everything Moves a Bit Slower Here in Scranton

Here are some pictures of people I work with.

This is Daud the watchman. He used to be a watchman at our our house several years ago.

Nima is in the yellow. She claims she's not photogenic.

That's Abdi in the gray. He put something in my Fanta when I wasn't looking that my stomach didn't like.

Ali is in the white shirt. He's Yemeni by ancestry. He has been the chauffeur here for a while. Last year he finally got a badly-needed cataract surgery. He can see the road now.



And of course Mr. McFeely.

Shuban Biyo

Here's part of an email I wrote to my wife. I hesitate to write about this sort of thing but it's too good to pass up.

On 5/03/07, J. Normal <Joenormal@I'mnotgivingyoumyemailaddress.com> wrote:

Dear Roxy,

I had one of those "terrible African" situations yesterday. My stomach was rumbling as I was IM'ing with you. I knew it couldn't wait until I got home since I still had several hours of work left to do. So I had to brave the African toilet at the office. Everyone who works in the office is African so as you know there is a different toilet routine but I was happy to find some toilet paper. So I did my business and thought I was done with it at the time but in the back of my mind I remembered that my body likes to save a little bit for an encore.

Jump ahead about 3 hours to the recording studio. It was the sundown prayer time and Abdi went to pray. My stomach started to act up again. This time I was more frightened. I knew there would be no hints of a western toilet at the studio. If you can remember what it's like there, there is a toilet but it doesn't have a seat. I was surprised to find a roll of toilet paper but there were maybe 8 squares left on it. The toilet room also had the obligatory bucket of water with a cup floating on top. Of course there was also about an inch of water on the floor. My stomach was not going to wait another second. I got there just in time. I was happy I made it but I was not happy about what I was going to do or not going to do next. Let's just say 8 squares in that situation is not enough. I had to work for another couple of hours. I did a lot of standing after that.

As you can recall, this is not the first time you or have encountered a situation like this and it is not one I'd like to repeat if I can help it. I think I ate some bad food somewhere. Today I have a roll of toilet paper in my bag.

I miss you.

Love, Joe

Save the Date

Turns out I was invited to Lindsay Lohan's birthday party after all. I didn't think I would be.

Hot and Dry in Djibouti

What does Djibouti look like? I'd rather not look.

Sumo Dwight

Stanley: "I do not think this picture is funny."

Leading Scientist Finds Way to Defy the Laws of Physics

I Heart Vader

Good! Use your aggresive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you.

You don't know the power of the Darkside!

Not a Smart Move

Movie Recommendation

I just saw an excellent movie called The Man Who Would be King (1975). It's with Sean Connery and Michael Caine as two unpolished Ex-British soldiers who set off for Kafiristan (Afghanistan) to take over the country. And they do it. It's fun to watch. Add it to your queue.

Colbert Nation

I'd love to have a mini-me.

A True American Hero

Passionate Voter- "Is this about Sangina?"
Mary from Manhattan- "No it isn't. Could you..."
Passionate Voter- "Vote Sanjaya! Show America that we should vote for Sanjaya.
No it is important!
No. I'm an American. I will vote for Sanjaya.
Sanjaya!"

Status

Just in case you're scoring at home.
Showers: check
Water: check
Luggage: 50%
AC: check
Busy: check

Yes, I Like John Wayne

He made great American movies.

Blogging, One Year On

Monday is the one year anniversary to when I entered this obsession. 331 postings and 9000 visitors later I wonder if the Family Normal has got any better (genius) or it's on the verge of stupidity. What do you think? I'd like to hear from all the lurkers out there who read everyday but never comment. Like you in the Bronx, or you the Madison Peeper, or the Middlebury, Connecticut Stalker. I know about the Englewood Spelllunker and the Cambridge Snob, and Art the Fergus Falls junior high violin playing teacher's pet but not the rest of you. Who are you?

Last Shower

Wednesday, April 18, 2007. 8:20 AM Central Standard Time. Minneapolis, Minnesota... and it was voided as soon as I carried my luggage to the car.

The Qrt of Typing on q French Keyboqrd

Typing on q French keyboqrd cqn be auite qggevqting, believe ,e;

Dwight's Doppelgänger

Power Cuts

I wake up to eerie silence and what seems like buckets of sweat pouring off me. The power is out. It’s 91 degrees in this room and it’s unbearable without the ceiling fan. I try to go back to sleep but it’s impossible.

Our kitchen has a thirty foot high ceiling with a metal roof that is screened around the sides at the top so it is always the coolest room in the house after dark. I decide to bring a body-length cushion in there to lie on the floor to go back to sleep. Is there something crawling on me? It can’t be a mosquito since the room is screened unless the screen has rusted out again. Something just bit me. It really hurts. There is a red spot on my foot. Ants. There are ants crawling on me.

I put the cushion on a table. I still can’t sleep. I have a combination of jet lag and an irritation to the mosque loud speaker eight houses down.

I can’t believe we live like this.

A Wave of Heat

I arrive back to my house in Djibouti to find that the power has not been cut but the water has been. The car also has a flat tire. I knew I was going to find some problems like this. It’s been four months. Thankfully my SIM card on my phone has not expired which has been my biggest worry.

It’s hot. I quickly shut the door after exchanging pleasantries with our neighbor and a couple members of the guard community. I quickly strip down and find a pair of shorts.

I need to use the bathroom really bad. If there is still water in the tank on the back of the toilet I can avoid living with the stench the next two days. I check to see if there is water in the tank. There is. Yes! I use my only flush within the first 3 minutes of being home. You’ve got to be kidding me. No toilet paper!

Tomorrow is Friday, the only day everything is closed so it won’t be until Saturday until I can go to the Water Department to try to get it turned back on and then it still might take them a day or two.

I found out the new 5 star hotel has wi-fi, so I know where I’m going to be frequenting.

Cause and Effect, Chain of Events, All of the Chaos Makes Perfect Sense

What does an airport in Yemen look like?

My luggage is not going to make it to Djibouti with me. They already told me. It is all because of one guy and a slip of his wrist in Salt Lake City.

I found out my Delta flight to Frankfurt was going to be 30 minutes late after I checked the departure monitors at the Cincinnati airport yesterday. The gate agent told me we had to wait for a few people from a late plane from Salt Lake City.

We loaded the plane. The flight was going to be crowded but an empty seat remained open next to me as we waited for the Salt Lake passengers. Finally they arrived and a grad student from the University of Utah sat next to me. She told me there was a snow storm in Utah and before their flight took off someone was de-icing the plane and sprayed it on the pilot’s windshield some had got between the windows somehow and fouled things up.

Consequently in Frankfurt I only had 25 minutes between my plane’s arrival and the departure of my next flight. I ran through the concourse. A gate agent saw me running and knew it was me and said “Mr. Normal, we’ve been waiting for you.” The agent said it was impossible for my luggage to make the connection since they had to scan it first.

The de-icer in Salt Lake City will never know the trouble he has caused me in Africa.

The Swiss Alps.

I also saw the Italian coast, the Nile River and Jedda, Saudi Arabia from the plane.

Preps

Passport: check

Preparations

I'm going on a trip in my favorite rocket ship. I'll keep you posted...

OS

I've been thinking about buying a new computer. I heard there's this great game called pong.

Freak

I once was told I had three ureters.

Ex-Con

I once had my car stolen.

Overrated

I once jumped out of an airplane.

Zinedine

I once played in a national championship basketball game.

Trauma

I once found out that catheters were no fun.

Legendary

I once beat Michael Chang in a real tennis match.

Unstoppable

I once greased up my pants with vasoline so as not to be tackled in a JV football match. It worked.

Dry

I once ate six saltines in under a minute.

Weapons

I once wrestled down a thief inside my house, naked.

Diaper

I once saw a shark while snorkeling.

Nice

I once had a banker named Jihad.

Brush

I once drove Chuck Knoblock's car.

Bag o' Tricks Ten Years On

TC

Captain America

Bad

Bathroom Humour

This is the type of thing my mom would forward to me but it has its funny moments.

Unfathomable

Easter Dinner

It was good.

Family Circus Encore

Roxy Normal- "Jane, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Jane Normal- "I want to be a doctor and an African-American."

Nerd Herd

Cavemen Walk out of Forest After 4000 Years
Associated Press- April 6, 2007
Yesterday four primative men walked out of the forest in Northern California for the first time in years while still telling bad jokes...

Family Circus

Joe Normal- "Very good Jane. It's me as a Roman soldier."

Jane Normal- "No Daddy. It's you as Sanjaya."

Roy

Watch out for this guy.

Here's a link to chatty Kelly Kapoor's blog though it's not very good: Mindyephron.blogspot.com. I read somewhere that when they are shooting the Office they have to act like they are working so some of them work on their blogs in the background.

She has other contributer's to it too. I suspect SC is Steve Carell.

You're Fired!

Surprisingly, this 65 year-old Wal-Mart greeter was fired for sending this photo to a fellow employee.

This is why I don't shop at Wal-Mart... except for when they roll back the prices.

Bean

I love this guy. He's a genius.

Pride

Early morning, April four
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride

Cathy

Cathy is so funny.

Comics

Cantstanzya

Continuing on with the theme of irritating people: Click here for 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron. He needs just 22 homeruns to pass Hank Aaron's legendary homerun record.

I hope he falls in a man hole never to be seen again.

Angry Hillary

"Vote for me or my people will invade your planet!"

Boom Goes the Dynamite

Boom


And classic Noah... This is why I love him.

Jacobins

Blocking the hallway is an everyday occurance by these kids around here. It's like living in the French Revolution.

Annoyances, Part II

The best/worst part was when Charla forced herself to chuck sausage. Unbelievable.

He's a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse. Impressively liberated from our opulent life-style, Sidd's deciding about yoga— and his future in baseball

THE CURIOUS CASE OF SIDD FINCH

It's too bad this guy didn't last long. With a 168 mph fastball, he would have been a legend.

Sidd (short for Siddharta) Finch was a rookie baseball pitcher in training with the New York Mets. Finch, who had never played baseball before, was attempting to decide between a sports career and one playing the French horn. What was astonishing about Finch was that he could pitch a fastball at an amazing 168 mph, far above the record of a mere 103 mph. He also wore only one shoe - a heavy hiker's boot - when pitching.

Finch grew up in an English orphanage and was adopted by anarchaeologist who later died in a plane crash in Nepal. After briefly attending Harvard University, he went to Tibet to learn "yogic mastery of mind-body," which was the source of his pitching prowess.

Click here to read the full article.